52

My mom would be turning 52 this Thursday.

I remember on her 50th birthday how I didn't want to stay home from church and celebrate it with her. I threw a fit at first, but ended up getting over myself and enjoying the time celebrating with my mom. And I'm so glad I did because it was the last birthday I was able to celebrate with her. I'm so thankful that I was able to spend that time with her.

I miss her. I'm sure I've said that a million times since she died, but I can't think of what else to say. I can't say "I wish..." or "If only..." because those things are not true. I can't dwell on what what isn't true. I can only trust the Lord with what is. And what is is that she is gone. I can only say that I miss her and remember the things that I miss about her.

I miss her laugh and smile she gets when she's really happy. I miss her long comforting hugs. I miss the look she would give when was really proud of me and said she loved me. I miss her calling me her Rosebud. I miss her mexican accent. I miss her hands and feet. I miss every wrinkle on her face. I miss her cute little quirks and her love for old things. I miss her smell. I miss her presence. I miss all of her SO much.