Failing To Be Faithful

Every little girl treasures a secret. When her friend comes and whispers in her ear her biggest secret, that little girl is thrilled to know something that no one else in all the world may know! And then there are the secrets that she herself has. Maybe about a book she hid deep in her closet, that only she knows about. She is lucky if she could keep that secret to herself! But nevertheless, every little girl treasures a secret.

As you get older, secrets start to get more serious; the secrets others tell you and the secrets you yourself may have. Instead of hearing that your friend tagged so and so in hide and seek, you hear that she is now pregnant and he is the father. And instead of hiding a special book in your closet, you are hiding who you truly are. Often times, the secret that you are too ashamed to admit, is the secret that will eventually ruin you in some way or another. We hold in our deepest darkest secret because we don't want anyone to know about it. But what fools we are for thinking we could hide something and have no one find out. How could we forget that there is One who sees all things and knows all things about us? Your deepest darkest secret is so known to God. "What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight. What you have whispered to someone behind closed doors will be shouted from the rooftops" (Luke 12:3)
So why do we think we are so clever when we sin in our alone time? We will eventually be found out. We fail to be faithful every single day and every single day we need forgiveness.

Beautiful Bride

Isn't she beautiful? :) I've been missing her a lot lately.

Homesick- MercyMe

"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now"

"But, April, what is true and real?"

(This is a long blog because it has an excerpt from a book in it. But still read it. Prayerfully the Lord will use the part from the book in your life somehow!)

My friend got me the book "Loving God With All Your Mind" by Elizabeth George for Christmas. Since the 23rd of December, my life, I believe, has changed. The Lord has revealed day after day new areas of my life where I need to love Him with all of my mind!

The theme verse for the first Six chapters is Philippians 4:8, which says "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if that is any virtue, if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things."

That verse alone is enough to change a life, but Elizabeth breaks down the very first part "Whatever things are true (or real)... meditate on these things." She speaks about different areas of our lives that we need to focus on what is true and real. One of them being with other people. The section is entitled "Playing Mind Game". Here is what it says:

"I confess that through the years I've been guilty of playing min games with people and second-guessing their motives. It's all too easy to wonder about what a person isn't saying or try to read between the lines of what he or she does say- 'He says he loves me, but I don't think he does' or 'She says there's nothing wrong, but I'm not so sure.'

Isn't it amazing how we can come up with very creative explanations for people's actions? For example, 'He's been grumpy lately, so he must be angry with me.' We can also draw conclusions about why people do what they do- 'She left me a message on my machine to call her. I must have done something wrong.' or 'I wonder what she wants from me now.' We can even apply this kind of thinking to what people do not do- 'She hasn't called me in a while. I must have done something to offend her.'

Well there's help and hope for our imaginations and for our relationships! Two principles from Scripture can help settle such mind games.

Understanding the Principle of Love
The First principle is based on 1 Corinthians 12, on the apostle Paul's words about love. As he writes to his friends, Paul notes that love 'thinks no evil' and 'believes all things' (verses 5 and 7). One day I realized that I was violating these two requirements for love whenever I questioned what another person said or did. My habit of second-guessing involved interpreting - and even distorting- the words and actions of others. When I tried to read things into a person's words and actions rather than accepting them at face value, I was essentially making that person a liar.

The solution? I need to stop my wild, speculative thoughts by asking myself, 'But, Elizabeth, what is true and real?' The answer to this questions then called me to believe what the other person said.'"


I know. I know. It's so long. But second-guessing people's actions, and words is something that I struggle with. It has become a hindrance and kept me from trusting and flourishing in my relationships with others. Reading this book has been life-changing. Now, I take people by their word and if I start to second-guess them, I ask "But, April, what is true and real?" and I leave it at that. No second-guessing or trying to read into what they are saying or doing! That causes so many mean thoughts towards others and can hinder you, undoubtedly. So if you ever find yourself trying to "read between the lines" of something someone has said or done, stop yourself and ask "But what is true and real?", and see how the Lord can change you! :)

Oh, and thank you for the Book! ;)

Blog

So tomorrow I am going over to my friends Kari and Bethany's house to bake and watch movies. I haven't hung out with Kari in quite some time so I am SUPER stoked to see her tomorrow!! :D (And Hopefuly Bethany, too!)



Today was a lazy day. I just did little things around the house and took a little nap. It was nice. :) I think I need to develop some sort of schedule of things I should do around the house each day because lazy days make me feel so unproductive. Lol!



Well, that's my blog.. Lol!



This is Kari and I at the Haven Ornament Decorating thing! Kari Johnson and the newest Johnson, April!!! ;) jk!

MmmMMmmmm :D

Today I decided to make something to bring to the dinner I am going to tonight. It was between fudge (My own family recipe) ;), English toffee, mocha cake, or coffee cake (two totally different baked goods by the way. One actually has coffee in it and the other is meant to be eaten with coffee! )

So I made the coffee cake because I really like coffee cake! It turned out pretty well and smells quite delicious!!! :)

Merry Christmas!!!!

Christmas Thanksgiving (Two Holidays In One!)

All day long I have been struggling with selfish thoughts about this Christmas season and after many attempts to get my attention, the Lord finally got through my stubborn walls. Why am I so concerned with how Christmas is going to be spent this year when I know that the reason we have Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ, only to eventually celebrate His death? He lived perfectly. I was thinking about it and His parents must have LOVED Him. Obeying everything they said... Man!!! The perfect child! ;) No, but seriously, how could even a child be perfect? He did it.

I wasn't going to do this, but I feel like I have to in order to get my point across.


America has made Christmas something that is so far from it's true meaning. I am not talking about the shopping and santa aspects, but the whole family-get-together shin-dig. Don't get me wrong, I do love it. But it has pretty much become "The reason for the season". My mom, as you know, died in June this year and I have been dreading Christmas ever since. Today I was so consumed with thoughts like "She won't be here" and "She made Christmas what it is.." that I lost sight of Jesus, on His throne. I know that most of you are thinking "It's understandable..." but what is there to understand about a hindrance? Focusing on how my mom is no longer with us has been blurring my view of who Christ is. He has SAVED HER! What is there to be upset about? No, I won't have her physically here with me tomorrow or ever again in this life, but the day I die, I will see her again and together we will worship the Lord Almighty in spirit and in truth!

I rejoice this Christmas. Jesus was born and died to save my mom. I am thankful!

Just For Kim

A couple weeks ago my friend Kim posted a blog about how her son was playing with the Nativity scene at their house. She took a picture of how he placed the people. You can read it here.

Well, my nephew was over at my house last night and he decided to play with our Nativity scene. So I decided to post a blog to show Kim his rearranging abilities. :)

Isn't it lovely? He wanted the wise men to keep Jesus warm... I think... haha!

Anyway, that's my blog! :)

Oh... haha!

Okay, so Bethany, you don't exactly remind me of Miss. Honey. I just saw in the beginning that she was all sweet to the kids. hahaha!

On another note. I am really excited for Christmas. Going to be with Kim and her Fam!! :D Super Stoked!

I hope everyone has a good Christmas!!!

Blessings!
:)

Matilda

I forgot how much I loved that movie! I'm watching it right now! :)

Miss Honey makes me think of you Bethany! If you have never seen the movie, you need to! :)

(That goes to ANYONE who has never seen it! It's lovely!)

Anywho! Have a blessed night! :D

Just Wanted To Say

I love Jesus.

The End.

If Being Cold Were Gangster....

I'd be the biggest G!!! ;)

Last night I went to dinner with my dad and his new friend. It was delish and the experience was slightly awkward. My sister showed up and ate Kona Pie with me (Compliments of Kendall).

After we were done, we were waiting for my dad outside and it was FREEZING!!! This picture proves it! My sister said "Make your best cold face!" This is my best cold face! :)

Oh how I love Islands. I forgot how truly yummy it is!!!! MMMmmmMmmm

Oh Happy Day!

Today was a lovely day!

Shopping. (Got AMAZING DEALS)
Chill-axed for a while at mi casa!
Then dinner at one of my fave restaurants. (Islands)


Now I am just surfing the net, blogging, and listening to awesome music (Thanks to a Miss. Kelly Lee [or Leigh] Leonard!!) :D


Life has been swell!!


Lets hope tomorrow is just as lovely! :)

There Are Answers To Prayers

"You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do

You, you make me new..."

How do I even begin to describe how awe-struck I am? I don't... I can't... Jesus has amazed me once again. How does He do what He does in such a way?!

Lord, take all of me... I belong to YOU!

Imagine...

Imagine what you can do.


It's not a joke and child sex trafficking doesn't just happen in China and India, it's happening in our own streets as well. Imagine your 8 year old niece, sister, cousin... being sold into something as horrible as sex slavery. Being forced to sell her body for someone else's greed; being abused and violated by an older man for his own perverted enjoyment... Children are sold into brothels as young as 3 years old. It needs to stop. What are you going to do to help??

Visit the website to learn how you can help stop this wickedness.

You Said "I AM"

Earlier in the year I has prayed "Lord, break me." (Because I know that in a state of brokenness, I am made whole again in Him and I longed for His discipline and mending.) But I did it not knowing exactly what I was praying for. He answered my prayer anyway. He tore my world completely apart and took my mom home during the summer. I was (and am) more heart broken than I ever have been in my LIFE, but I wouldn't take back my prayer for anything. Yea, I miss my mom terribly, but Jesus made me a promise that "anyone who knows me, though he dies, yet he shall live." There will be times in our life that we may feel almost completely crushed, but the Lord has His hand there holding the stone from destroying us. I wouldn't trade this brokenness for comfort. Not now, not ever. He knows what is best and the best thing I know is Him. :)


Lyrics to a song I LOVE right now.


"When I am weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name.
'Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,' and You say 'I am.'”



I love it. When we are weak and unable to speak, we can call Him by name. He is Jesus, Savior, Comforter, Healer, Prince of Peace, Superhero, Heartache Healer, Secret keeper, Life Sustainer, Beloved, Abba Father... He is infinite!

I Caved In and Watched Twilight And Now....

"You're like my own personal brand of heroine."

I have decided that the day a guy tells me those words ( and the Lord confirms it of course) , I will know who it is I am supposed to marry. Hahaha! JK!






...But for reals. :)

Want Vs. Need; My Will Vs. His Will

Obedience.

Oh, yes. The one word that many cringe at hearing. Before I came to know the Lord, when I heard the word "Obedience", the first thing that would come to my mind was me reluctantly doing something for my parents. To me, it was a bad thing. Two words that would always make me feel rebellious were "discipline" and "obedience". But since coming to the Lord, those two words are what I long to embrace.

Many times I have done something and felt uneasy about it. I have had that lack of peace from the Lord and I know now that that lack of peace is the Lord telling me that I am disobeying Him. That is usually how I know whether or not I am supposed to be doing something. One particular time, I remember the Lord showing me that I was not supposed to go somewhere and it was for multiple days. The whole time I was there I felt out of place and completely horrible because I KNEW that the Lord didn't want me there. I ended up having to leave early because I couldn't stand disobeying the Lord any longer. Even though I left, I still had to pray the consequences for my disobedience. A friendship was severed. (That is a more dramatic case, but it's an example of what happens.)

Well, today the Lord told me what I was supposed to do and I made other plans anyway. I was going to go out to Yucaippa with my friend until like 4 and hangout. But as soon as I got in her car, a friend of mine called asking to hangout (Now this is usually the start of the Lord saying "stay home" I don't really know how to explain it... I guess it's just something that me and the Lord will understand.) And I knew that I was being disobedient. (I promise I'm not crazy... hahah just trust me.) I felt so horrible when I asked my other friend to turn around, but I couldn't go the whole day with the feeling of guilt. Well, now I am home and I am wondering what the Lord has planned for my day. I am trusting Him. I long to be obedient to HIM and no one else.

"So Samuel said: 'Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice...'"
-- 1 Samuel 15:22

Kind of a "I learned something new!" blog.... lol Feel free to comment.


(And just so you know, you don't have to have a blog to comment. ANYONE who reads this can comment.) :D

Times Are Changing

A Christmas spent, not alone, but with less people. Or I should say with one less person.

Yesterday I put up the Christmas decorations. The Tree, nativity scene, stockings, etc. And it was all done without my mom. She is usually the one who puts up the tree and tells us which ornaments go where, to make it look good. But this year, there was silence. No "move that ornament" or "we are NOT putting that decoration up" (Usually referring to some old dinky thing we made as kids). I didn't get to hear her laughing, or saying "I love you". It was different. And it's going to continue to be different. I know that the one thing I am going to miss this Christmas the MOST is sleeping in the living room on Christmas eve, with my mom walking out and me waking up to see her. But I would have missed that anyway. Maybe it's her telling me Merry Christmas and giving me a hug. I think I am going to miss everything about her. She was the one who made Christmas special. She always made sure we had plans and she always assured us that it is going to be a good Christmas every year, and every year she was right.

I guess it's inevitable. I am going to miss her no matter what. Everyone has that ONE Christmas wish, whether it be a phone, car, book, or whatever. Well, my ONE Christmas wish is to be able to spend it with my mom, and since I know it won't come true, then I just want to be happy. On Thanksgiving I spent the day with my family because I wanted them to be happy. But this one Christmas is more important. It means starting whole new traditions and changing everything. There is a time for everything under the sun. A time to end and a time to start over... It's time to start over.

Glorious Wind

With every gust of wind beating vehemently against the house, the walls creek and windows shutter.

Today is a delightfully windy day.

<33

Prayer

Sometimes when something is happening and you can do absolutely nothing in your power to help it, the only thing you can do is pray and know that God will hear you and will heal them.

Thank You, Jesus!

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
(Romans 8:37-39)

Ode to Cherry On Top

Cherry on Top is all I want
It's all that I can eat


Oh Cherry on Top is all I want
It's so good
so soothing
so sweet!


Oh Cherry on Top
You can save my day and satisfy my tummy
Oh please, I beg, come in my mouth,
you are so very yummy!!!!


I want Cherry On Top SOOOOOO bad. It's like the only thing I can eat right now. That and Jamba. My cheeks are so swollen it's crazy!!!! hahaha

Wisdom teeth are DUMB! Especially impacted ones.

Make my day. Let's go to Cherry On Top! :)

He Always Provides

The Lord of course. He always provides. You place things in His hands and He takes care of you. :)

I am thankful

Life Lesson

"It's a life lesson. You've got to maintain who YOU are despite what others, even your friends, are or are doing. Only allow the good influences and discard the rest."


One of the best bits of advice that I have ever gotten from a friend. And yes, it's something that I have yet to fully learn.

Why change who you are? Maintain who you are even if people, even your FRIENDS, are doing something different. If you have blond hair, blue eyes and weigh a certain weight, don't dye your hair, get contacts and lose weight to be like someone else. You are your own person and that's a wonderful thing.

Last night Pastor Steve gave a message and in the beginning he was talking about how we are uniquely made by the King and that we should, in no way, try and change that. I agree. I think this is a lesson that MOST teenage girls need to learn. Trying to change who you are to be someone you're not isn't the way to go. The Lord made you the way you are and you ARE beautiful!!! Not only that, but you are also creative, talented and gifted in ways that other's might not be. You have that to your advantage. Don't try to be talented in an area you're not so familiar with and ignore the things that you already know. If you are good at soccer, don't drop the sport that you are so advanced with and try to become a cheerleader. Stick with what you know and embrace what you have been blessed with. The Lord gave you what He did for a reason. I know that people say that all of the time, but it's true. If you have the gift of exhortation, then the Lord will be able to use you to exhort brothers and sisters in Christ. But if you don't have the gift of exhortation and you say "I want that gift" chances are, it won't be the Lord working through you, but you trying to FORCE that gift on yourself. But you can't FORCE a gift. It is given to you. I guess what I am trying to say is don't try to become something that you're not because the Lord wants to use YOU, not a cheap copy of someone else.

"You've got to maintain who YOU are despite what others, even your friends, are or are doing."

Our Great God!

Something I've learned and am SO thankful for.


Don't go by what YOU think is best in any situation. Always give it to the Lord. He really DOES know what He is doing! :)


"Trust in the Lord will all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
-- Proverbs 3:5-6


Our God is greater than anything we face!!

Luke 7:36-50

At Your Feet -- Natalie Grant

She brought You oil, the purest gift she had

You washed her soul with her tears

Though more than a thousand years have passed

I still weep at how much that woman's just like me

And how much I want to be

At Your feet

Where I feel Your Spirit cover me

And the darkest of my sins, they are forgiven

What would You ask of me,

I'd give up everything

Just so I can be at Your feet

I know one day I will open up my eyes

To the wonders of Heaven foretold

And I'll see that glorious mansion on high

But, I'll be content just to see Your face

If I can just find my place

At Your feet

Where I feel Your Spirit cover me

And the darkest of my sins, they are forgiven

What would You ask of me,

I'd give up everything

Just so I can be at Your feet

"And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil."
-- Luke 7:37-39

In Christ Alone

In Chirst Alone-- Phillips Craig and Dean

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory In the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me."
-- 1 Corinthians 15:10

Oh Fooey!

Haha! Funny story. I have 4 essays and 42 assignments to do by tomorrow morning... We'll see how this works out! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Maybe procrastination wasn't such a great idea after all...

Just...

go kiss your pillow.

;)

Blessed!!

I am so thankful. I feel almost 100% better. :) I don't ache anymore and my stomach has settled down. When I eat things, it gets a little upset, but I can deal with that as long as I don't have to go through the torture of having this flu all over again! haha :)

The Lord is good, ALWAYS and He healed me in time to go to church. :)

"When the Lord ceases to be good, I will cease to give thanks. But that is never going to happen, so forever I will give thanks unto God!"

:)

Draining

So, today I have learned many things. One of them being that I can't just pour out on everyone how I am feeling. It's draining to them and selfish of me.

I do want more...

More Chicken Broth please!!

Flu Update. haha!

Chicken broth is so yummy! :)

I have been doing better since about 11 this morning. My body is all achey and weak, but my stomach is feeing better. Praise God, because I don't think I could handle that pain any longer. I am just restless and my skin is super sensitive. I am thankful that I am feeling better, however. Thank you to everyone who was praying for me and who helped me out. I am SO thankful for you! The Lord has blessed me even in this time of being sick.

One thing I know, is to never hug, kiss, or sleep next to a baby who is sick with the flu, or else you too will get the flu.

What is funny is that my entire family has the flu right now! Haha! Me, my sister and her boyfriend, my dad, and my grandma. haha! Oh geez. :)

Torture!

Oh... my... goodness...

I have not been this sick for a long time. In fact, I don't think I have EVER been this sick. I don't know if it is the flu, or food poisoning, but I have been having the worst stomach pains and I have thrown up twice. I know, 2 times sound little, but my body wouldn't LET me get it out. I have been up every 30 minutes all night long. I passed out a few times. What is up with that? Is that the flu? I don't know. I tried calling EVERYONE last night for help on how to deal with this but no one would answer. Then Chelley answered and suggested I take a warm bath and then go try and sleep. (Thanks, Chelley Belley Ka-nelley) The bath was comforting, but I kept passing out in it. So for my own safety, I had to get out. I reluctantly got dressed and stumbled to the couch where I somehow managed to feel fine enough to FALL asleep. I was asleep maybe 2 hours and I woke up again because of my stomach pains.

Seriously, I would never wish this on anyone. It is horrible. I was so miserable last night. I am feeling stable enough to sit here and write this blog for 10 minutes, so I am thankful for that. Plus, I can keep water down, which is what I am craving because I feel SO dehydrated. So praise Jesus!!!! :)

The Lord knows and I am so thankful. Please pray that this flu, or whatever it is, leaves my body completely. Thank you, so much!!

FLU

I have the flu.

I blame my nephew.

I bought new shoes...

and now I'm done trying to impress you...

(With a lame attempt at a poem about how I'm sick)

:(

Black Friday

I bought nothing black today... haha jk


So, my sister and I went shopping today at the mall. No, we didn't get there for the doorbuster prices, but the majority of the stores were still having sales until 1. Like American Eagle. :) I went there to get one thing and I got it, ON SALE!! :)

Today was good, now I'm tired. Time for dinner! I'm starved!


Happy Holidays!!! hhaah (I am so horrible!!) LOL!

The Holiday "High"

Holidays.


Why does it take a holiday like Thanksgiving to make us think of the things we are thankful?


Why does it take a holiday like Christmas to make us see how much we should be giving?




Holidays seem to give everyone a certain spiritual/"good person" high and then a few weeks later, everyone is back to being exactly how they were before. Which can only mean that the "change" was because of feelings. Here is what I mean. When we live by feelings, we do things that we feel like doing at the moment, but the next moment, we are found doing something completely opposite. What I mean is that when we live by feelings, we are wish-washy. We go back and forth from one way of living to another. So during the holidays, people feel like being nice and loving and giving and thankful, but when the season is over and all the decorations are put away, the feelings of "Glad tidings of great joy" flee and people are left feeling selfish, hateful, thankless , and mean. Why is it that way? Why does it take holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas to give the Lord what He deserves? Are we not supposed to be bringing Him glory; to be giving Him thanks, ALL of the days of our lives? Living by feelings produces no integrity and no fruit. Living a life glorifying to God doesn't mean worshipping Him when you feel like it. Living a life glorifying to God doesn't mean serving Him when you feel like it. Living a life glorifying to the Lord means living EVERY day in submission to Him. Doing what He commands and asks of you, even if you don't feel like it. That is obedience. We need to be obedient to bring Him thanks and glory, not only on days like today, but every day that we live. He has given us breath every day, has He not? That is more than enough to be thankful for.



To Him be the glory and the power, forever and ever. Amen!

Truly Thankful

I am thankful for:

The Lord's word.
His forgiveness and grace.
Friends.
Friends who are more like family.
Food.
Shelter.
The beauty of creation.
His love.
Comfort.
Understanding.
Wisdom.
Discernment.

What I am most thankful for is the Lord. None of these things would even be accessible to me without Him. Everything belongs to Him. Everything on earth and in heaven. I would not have anything if I did not have Him. I am thankful for Him. Not His blessings. Him. He is perfect, holy, pure, just, gracious, merciful... the list goes on and on.

"Your love is deep, Your love is wide, Your love is great, Your love is high. Your love is all we ever need. Your love is all we ever need."

I am thankful, Lord, for You.

"For the Lord is great

and greatly to be praised;

He is to be feared above all gods.

For all the gods of the peoples are idols,

But the Lord made the heavens.

Honor and majesty are before Him;

Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary."

--Psalm 96:4-6

Thanksgiving....

I think this year is going to be pretty hard. First thanksgiving without my mom. I want to do something that I would enjoy. I don't know HOW this year is going to turn out. Oh bummer! hahaha

B-R-E-A-K-F-A-S-T

I am craving a good breakfast right now!

Pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage, hasbrowns, orange juice... anything salty and sweet!!! YUMMM!!!

A Lovely Promise

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you."
-- Philippians 4:8,9

"... these do, and the God of peace WILL be with you."

Thank You, Jesus.

Jesus, You Are Everything!

Without God, everything means nothing.

With God, nothing means everything.

When you have Jesus, you have all you need. So even when you have nothing on this earth, you still possess everything!

T.M.I.

The Lord showed me today that I really do need to be careful about the information I give out about myself and then confirmed it through an email from a friend. So, I am going to go through my blogs and delete any that could give away too much information about myself. Thank you, Jesus!! :)

Share With Me Your Scary Dreams!! :)

Yet another bad night of sleep. What is up with my dreams? Do they always have to be horrible? Man!! haha

On a better note, I am going to Oak Glen tomorrow! Super Duper excited!!! :D

Here's what you gotta do. Write in a comment to this blog the worst dream you've ever had!

Here is one of the worst dreams I have had lately.. but it's not the WORST worst. I wouldn't tell that one.. it's too personal! hahaha but it's still a bad dream! :)

So about a week ago, I had a dream that my friend Bethany was at my house and my room was A MESS! Well, she had told me to clean it and I said no and she got really really mad at me and wouldn't talk to me. We start walking out of my house and I asked her if I could have a ride home (Which is funny because I was already home. But it makes sense that I asked her because she always gives me a ride home. I am so thankful for her!) Anyway she ends up giving me a ride home, but she wouldn't talk to me. That's right. The silent treatment. There is no worse way to make someone feel bad! hahaha (But of course, it was a dream) lol

I know that dream sounds SOOOOO lame, but when you are having a nightmare, the feelings are always intensified. And of course this is nothing like the scary dreams I have been having this last week, just the only one I am willing to explain! haha

So what is your scariest dream (That you're willing to share) :)


OH and for all of you non-bloggers out there that read my blog, you can still comment. Not just on this blog, but on all of the ones I have posted. So you can participate in my dream discussion as well. :)

Nightmares

I had a horrible dream last night.

It was so bad it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't ever want it to come true. It felt so real. I hate dreams like that. Ones that feel so real that when you wake up you have to force your mind back to reality. I woke up breathless.

I don't ever want to have a dream like that again. It wasn't fair. It shouldn't have happened. Ughh I hate nightmares!

The Greatest Love

"Therefore, if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of man.
And being found in the appearance of man, He humbled Himself and became obedient, to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Therefore, God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and those on earth, and those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
--Philippians 2:1-11

Read this and re-read this. Meditate on what is it really saying.

Breathe by Taylor Swift

Breathe lyrics

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

People are people,

And sometimes we change our minds.

But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,

It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.

Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,

Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

And we know it’s never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can’t,

Breathe, 

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve. 

But people are people,

And sometimes it doesn’t work out,

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it’s never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can’t,

Breathe, 

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

It’s two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know it’s not easy, 

Easy for me.

It’s two a.m.

Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know this ain’t easy,

Easy for me.

And we know it’s never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I can’t,

Breathe, 

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry 

'nough said

The Truth Shall Set Your Free

Something happened today that needed to happen for 2 years. I feel like I have fully gotten rid of my old self now. Nothing that I had before I knew the Lord is with me any longer. It is like everything is really new like the word says "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17) My old man has finally passed away and a weight I have been carrying for so long has been lifted. It really isn't that big of a deal to anyone else but me and Jesus, but a big deal nonetheless. I am truly amazed by God. Its kind of like when you have something in your eye and you move it around a little and the blur goes away, but it comes back, so you move it around etc. Until finally, you just man up and stick your finger in your eye and get it out. It hurt, but now you don't have something blurring your vision. In the same way, this thing was something that was keeping me from fully committing to God. I had been pushing this away, but it always came back; a piece of my old self that I wasn't willing to let go of. I wasn't willing to humble myself and just get it out. But with God's strength, I was able to finally let go. It was hard, but the outcome was worth it. I would have never thought that this was such a hindrance, but it was. It was the one thing that needed to be given to God the moment I came to know Him. Now its over. He has given me new life. I am fully His.

Oh What A Day! :)

So, I was going to wake up and do homework and clean all day, but I had a change in plans. Usually when things don't go as planned, I get bummed out, but this plan was better. I got to hangout with the sister. We went to Victoria Gardens. YAY!!! (Oh, Kim! They have a store there called "Thomas Station" and its ALL Thomas the Tank Engine stuff! Just in case you want to take Elisha ;) )



We went to Pinkberry (of course), then we went to Anthropology (The greatest store ever!), The Apple Store (That's a given), and lots of other stores!! :) I know where I'm going when I get my first paycheck... or I should say IF I get my first paycheck. ;) jk.



Today was good. Now I am going to attempt to do 2 weeks of homework in 16 hours!! :D



I need more discipline when it comes to these things.. Oh man!! haha



Here is me and my sister with our YUMMY frozen yogurt. (She got original [plain tart] with just capt'n crunch cereal and I got original with strawberries and capt'n crunch cereal [ my fave!])




Peace in the Middle East, YO!

So Perfect

She was so perfect. I miss her hugs so much. I really wish we could be sitting here hugging instead of just me sitting here writing this. I would give up anything but Jesus to have her back. Man, I miss her. So beautiful. So perfect. That was my mom.

Bitter Sweet

Just missing her.

Philippians 2:4

Before we help people, what is the first thing we consider? "Is this going to help me or hurt me?" or something along those lines. We consider ourselves when the situation really has nothing to do with us. Or maybe that's just me. I am a selfish person. I tend to draw all attention to me and at the worst possible moments, I bring attention on me by asking a stupid question or saying something about a situation that happened with me. When my friend's friend passed away, I had no idea, but I brought the attention to me because I thought that something she was talking about was about me. But needless to say, it wasn't. I always think "They are mad at me" or "They did that because of me" It's always me. Me. Me. You could swear I thought the world revolved around me. I know that it doesn't. My selfishness is overbearing though. It's like a disease without a cure. I know you are thinking "I'm not that selfish.. there is something you can do." and yea, there is, but I say that because since last November I have been aware of the fact that I am selfish and the Lord has been working on it since then and I am still the same. I hate that I am this way. I don't want to say those selfish things at the wrong moments anymore. What do I do? I pray.

"Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
-- Philippians 2:4

Today's Top Story...

Infatuated, obsessed, enthralled, captivated. All of these words accurately describe me at the very moment. What might a girl be infatuated with? What might a girl who love news be obsessed with? What might a girl who loves news and well grounded reporters be enthralled by? What might a girl who loves news, well grounded reporters and humorous TV personalities be captivated by? Two Words, Anderson Cooper. I know, I know. He's on CNN not FoxNews. Here's today's stop story, I'm converting from FoxNews to CNN, and it's all because of Anderson.

Of course, I am still a devout Shepard Smith fan, and I am not going to completely neglect FoxNews, but the time has come that I open my mind and experience new things. I think it's time I see other people... It's not them... well okay, it IS them. I want so much more than just "Fair + Balanced" and they don't have it. So it's time I give CNN a shot...

Anderson, honey, here I come!! ;)

Twenty-Four

So, I am going to CBU for their twenty-four hour event for high school seniors called 24. Original, huh? ;) jk. I am going with an open mind... like it says on the "What to Bring" list. ;) I am ready to be pulled out of my comfort zone. You might be asking how being at CBU is OUT of my comfort zone. It's simple, when I go to CBU, I visit friends of mine, but I am not going to know anyone tonight. I am praying that the Lord uses me. He will be with me, so I don't have to be uncomfortable. I rely on Him. It's THAT simple. :)

Blessing in Him!!

Nightmares For a Week Straight.

I have been having nightmares for a week straight!

I had a horrible dream last night and now I can't sleep. I'm scared I'm going to have it again. I hate nightmares, especially when they seem so real.. =/

I am Nothing

I don't understand why God is still so gracious when I am so unfaithful. He pours out His love on me when I have taken a step towards the world. He still holds me when I go off and forget about Him. Why does He want me? I am nothing. I am of no worth. But He sent His son to be killed for MY (and others') sake. Worthy is HE of every praise. Worthy is HE because of His overwhelming love for His enemies. He loves me when I let Him down... why? There are far better and greater things out there to love than me. He is so holy and pure, so perfect. Lord, thank You for loving such a filthy child. I know that I don't deserve You and I don't deserve Your forgiveness. I have asked so many times for it and each time, You are faithful to forgive me... for that alone, I owe You everything.

"O LORD, our Lord,

How excellent is Your name

in all the earth,

Who have set Your glory

above the Heavens!

Out of the mouths of babes and

nursing infants

You have ordained strength,

Because of Your enemies,

That You may silence the

enemy and avenger.

When I consider Your

heavens, the work of Your

fingers,

The moon and the stars,

which You have ordained,

What is man that You are

mindful of him,

And the son of man that You

visit him?"

-- Psalm 8:1-4

Mere Men

A reputation. Everyone has one and whether it's good or bad, people will hold us accountable to the standard we have set for ourselves. Let me explain a little more. If you hold the door open for people, smile at others as they walk by, and rush to help someone who has dropped their books, you have a "good" reputation according to others. If you gossip about people you claim to be your friends, spend TOO much time with guys that have NO self-control, and wear skimpy clothing, you have a "bad" reputation according to others. A reputation is the estimation in which a person is held by the community or public.

This is something that I am trying to escape. I don't want to have a reputation. I don't want people expecting me to be one way or another. I want people to see nothing in me. Nothing of myself anyway. In the book of Philippians in the bible, Paul writes in Chapter 2 verses 5-7

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men."

Jesus is God. But when He came to this earth, there was nothing about Him that made Him seem royal or powerful in anyway. He came to this earth in the form of a man, and in doing so, humbled Himself. Now listen. Jesus, who is GOD humbled Himself and became a bondservant, who obeyed even to DEATH. JESUS! We are merely men and yet we lift ourselves up onto a pedestal, believing we deserve so much. What have we done that deserve any kind of praise or glory? What are we so sure that we deserve things for? Nothing. We have done nothing without God. But Jesus, He created the universe; He created time and everything we see. He created you. If you painted a beautiful picture and displayed it for people to see, they wouldn't go up the paint brush and say... "Wow... you created such a beautiful picture," because a paintbrush can do nothing by it's self. It needs you to guide it across the canvas. In the same way, we are like the paintbrush. We can't take credit for what God did through us. So if Jesus, who created all things, lived with no reputation, why don't we?

How can we get rid of reputations? Follow Jesus' example. "but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross."(vs. 2:7,8) Why would He humble Himself while being found in appearance as a man unless it is man who should humble himself? I don't think it was a coincidence that the bible says that. It is our place to humble ourselves because we are merely men. It is our place to be obedient to God because HE is our Maker! We owe everything to Him.

I am trying to explain how to get rid of reputation but to be honest with you, I haven't fully figured it out. I don't want anything but Jesus to rule my life. Not clothes, friends, knowledge, beauty, family, material things, money, kindness, "good works".... the list can go on forever. I don't want to be associated with anything of this world. Just Jesus. If I can be known only as "The girl who loves Jesus" and nothing more, then glory be to God alone.

Even The Waves Obey Him

"The He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea "Peace be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm."
-Mark 4:39

Realize.

Realize. You can't do it on your own.
Realize. Nothing is worth turning from Him.
Realize. If you think that people owe you even a smile, you're wrong.
Realize. Beauty isn't skin deep.
Realize. Jesus is the only Way, Truth, and Life.
Realize. She is really gone.
Realize. Friends are there to help you, not do things for you.
Realize. Its only when you take your eyes off of yourself, that you are able to serve God fully.
Realize. Only GOD can make all things happen.



Some things I have realized lately. NOTHING is possible without Christ. Without Him I am truly worthless. I am full of no good thing. With Him I am able to do good.


"And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith."
-- Galatians 6:9,10


"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men."
Philippians 2:3-7



Jesus... YOU are my extraordinary example.

A Birthday Left Uncelebrated

"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."-- Psalm 118:24

Today would have been my mom's 51st birthday. I am crushed to not be able to spend it with her. Last year she had her birthday party on a Sunday and I didn't want to go to it because I would have rather gone to church. But I stayed and I enjoyed it. I would give up going to church in a heartbeat if that meant spending today with my mom. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I would give up following God. Just that I would give up one night of doing something for me, to do something for her. I miss her more than I ever have. But I know that she is before the King, face to face. I can't wait to go to heaven and worship Him with her one day! :)

Here is my favorite picture of my mom. :)

My all-time favorite memory of my mom. Here is it.

A few days after my 17th birthday (this year) I went over to my mom's house to celebrate it. She made me dinner, and a heart shaped white cake with strawberry frosting (My fave). While dinner was cooking and the cake was baking, my mom went outside for a minute and then came back in with a budding rose. It was a deep pink color, with a short green stem. She looks me in the eyes and says "You have always been my little rosebud, but now you're turning into a beautiful rose. I love you. Happy Birthday" And she gave me a big hug. I don't want or need to explain why this is my favorite, but it is. I miss her today. I'll miss her tomorrow, and I missed her yesterday. I don't want to forget her. I can only really remember her laugh, but any bit of her is a blessing to remember. :) Be blessed today. And tell your mom you love her. She may not seem like the the greatest mom, but once shes gone, it's over. You don't have forever to hug her or to hear her motherly advice. Take advantage of the time you have with her. Show her the love of Jesus.

"This is the day that the Lord hath made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."-- Psalm 118:24

Mommy and Chili

My mom made the BEST chili. Always cooked to perfection! One bite would make your ears would get hot, but at the same time, it was perfectly sweet. OH! And the corn bread!! :)

I love this picture of my mom. She looks so absolutely happy. I miss her so much... I can't believe tomorrow is her birthday. Do you still recognize someone's birthday after their death? Hmm Something to ask God. I know that she was so excited for this election. Had she been able to see the outcome, she would be thrilled. She was an Obama supporter. She always had this sort of appreciation for minority groups, because of their struggles and what-not.

She is.. was, so beautiful! I miss her hands. :)

Psalm 34

Let our God be magnified!!!!

More Beautiful Than Words Can Say

This picture of my mom is my all time favorite. :) It was taken the day that my nephew was born. She is so happy in this picture. So beautiful.

These last 4 1/2 months have been the craziest roller coaster ride. One moment I am somewhat alright with her dying and the next I am a complete mess missing her. I would have to say, however, that the good moments far out-weigh the bad.

Another favorite memory is this. When I was little, like ages 5-8, I could not fall asleep without someone laying with me. So my mom would always lay with me while I was falling asleep. We would lay there talking and saying how much we love each other. We would say thing like "I love you all the way to the moon!" and "I love you all the way to China!" But my absolute favorite one, even though it made no sense, was "I love you all that way to the big bang!" Now, let me explain. When I was little, I didn't know what the big bang was. I thought that it was a HUGE star in the sky and that it was miles and miles and miles away so I would say I love you to the big bang because in my little mind, that was A LOT of love. :)

And that still stands. Momma, I love you all the way to the big bang! :)

Simple & Sweet

All I can say is: Jesus, You are everything! So amazing. You are worthy... so worthy.

M.G. (Mommy Gangster!)

I put this up, simply to show that my mom was a straight up G! I mean, look at her. Gangster looking face. She's throwin' up the sideways peace sign... Total G!

:)

I love my mommy. I am going to be posting blogs about her until Wednesday. Reason being because her birthday is on Wednesday November 5th. Just remembering her. :)

HAHA!! This makes me think of her Mexican accent. Whenever she would talk to Mexicans, she automatically got a slight Mexican accent. My sister and I always used to poke fun at her, but I am sure she knew we were only joking. I love it. I love her and miss her tons!!

Psalm 116:15

His promises are true.

Grandma Politics

I have mentioned before my passion for politics. I wouldn't say that I am a political buff, but I am aware of what is going on in this election right now. I know that it's been said "Two things not to bring up in a casual conversation are politics and religion." And I can see why. I was watching Sarah Palin speaking in Florida for the campaign this morning and my grandma was at my house helping my dad do something. Now, you must know that my grandma is all for Barack Obama. So every time Sarah would say something about Obama, my grandma would FLIP OUT! She got so angry saying things like "Yea, you're gonna go to hell for telling so many lies!" or "You know... I am surprised that a mother who claims to be so Christian would say something like that." I was irritated that my grandma got so upset over what Sarah Palin was saying. I had to remind her that BOTH sides are saying things that make the other side look bad. It's called campaigning. I like having calm, reasonable conversations with people about the problems in our economy, and who they believe will be able to fix it. But I get irritated when people get all defensive about it. Be mature and don't freak out. Just breathe! :)

Barack Hussein Obama: President of the United States???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUdjhKbImwE (Watch This!)

I am not saying that everything in this video is true. But think about it.Is this the man you want as our President for the next 4 years?

In my opinion, I think he has some sort of hidden agenda. He doesn't go into detail when he talks about the change he is going to bring about in our country. He simply states it will just be change. His background (And I don't just mean his religion or race) is very questionable. The friends that he has "chosen closely" have been people who embrace Marxism. He has expressed his admiration for a college professor he had who has openly expressed his hatred for Israel. Isn't America and ally to Israel? His influences, as he has said, include people like Jeremiah Wright (A preacher who believes in something called Black Liberation Theology, which you will hear about in the video), William Ayres (A radical anti-war activist who held many protests in the 1960s. A violent man who committed to bombing public buildings.) And Khalidi (His college professor).


Is Obama the man you want as President of The United States? I am not trying to tell you who to vote for, but the elections are in 4 days. Do ALL of the research you can on both McCain and Obama. See where they stand. Know where they come from. Determine whether they will do this country more good, or bad. KNOW the man who you are voting for.Don't vote ignorantly!

Prayer

When things go wrong and life gets too hard to stand, kneel.

This is my experience for today. And I am thankful.

Wisdom Teeth!

So, I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled in 3 days. I am honestly terrified. I am being put to sleep because, well, I need to be! haha They are all 4 coming out and they are impacted, so they have to do surgery and everything. I'm not as scared of the pain as I am about being put to sleep. I have never been put to sleep before, so I don't know what it's going to feel like. And I am scared of what I am going to feel like coming out of it... AHHH

If you have had your wisdom teeth removed before, please let me know what your experience was like. :)

I Threw Up Today... AGAIN!!!

I know!! Twice in 1 month!!

I woke up late this morning and I was feeling alright. Went to church, and felt fine. Went grocery shopping, felt fine. Got home around 2 and felt fine. Then around 3 I started to feel a little nauseous, but it wasn't anything and I thought it would go away because that happens to me often. But I got to church around 4 and I started to feel even worse, so I got a drink because I thought maybe it would make me feel better, but nope!! So I just sat there reading until about 4:50, then I went to the prayer meeting. While we were praying I started to feel more and more sick, so I left to go to the bathroom. When I got there, I couldn't hold it in and... well.... I threw up.

Gross huh??? :( hahahaha


But I'm all better now. :)

Oh!!

"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ' The Lord is my portion' says my soul ' Therefore I have hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."
-- Lamentations 3:21-26

Goodnight!! :)

Burning Heart Fellowship 2

http://www.burningheartfellowship.com/index.php


Here is the website. The fellowship is continued today. It's pretty cool! Read their Mission statement. :)

Burning Heart Fellowship

I'm goin' on a treasure hunt. Goin' on a treasure hunt.

I remember playing a game when I was little where you would chant those words and go looking for a treasure that the adults hid. I remember being so determined to find that treasure. I would look high and low, and my desire to find it was so strong. Of course, the treasure ended up being some dinky thing like a shoe box full of rocks or something of the sort, but I was so glad to have finally found it and I was happy with it.

I have found the ultimate treasure, Jesus. But today, I am going on a treasure hunt in search for more of Him. I know Him, but I want to know Him more. This last week I went to Biola University and attended a series of conferences called the Torrey Conferences. There was a woman who spoke on Thursday afternoon named Becky Tirabossi. She told us about a group that was formed in 1947 called the Burning Heart Fellowship. The fellowship was a group of a few men who devoted themselves to constant prayer. Becky was so enthusiastic and passionate about what she told us and I could clearly see the Lord shinning SO brightly through her. I remember thinking to myself "I have Jesus, but I want what YOU have!" She has more of Him and I want what she has. I want more of Him. She challenged us to spend an hour a day in prayer for a month and to reflect back on our prayer journals to see how we have grown in the Lord. I have taken that challenge and am SO excited to see what God is going to show me in this time.

I want to know You

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more

I want to touch You

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more

Forming Such A Heart As This

A flame of desire is raging in my heart. A longing I have never experienced before now. So strong, that it cannot be contained any longer. The time has come for this want, to be transformed, and put into action.

This desire is so simple, but it's achievement requires more than just want. It calls for a heart willing to forsake all it has known, to be refined and discomforted in order that it may become that of a servants. A heart willing to listen to the commands given to it by the Father, and do as it is instructed to.

I have a desire to be refined. I want the Lord to refine me and rebuke me, and put me through trials, because I know it makes me stronger. I want this so badly, and I plead for the Lord to form such a heart of love and compassion in me. To give me the strength to forsake all comfort, and everything I have to be at His feet, broken and ready to serve Him.

I am crying out for the heart of a servant.

Peace Be Still

"Peace be still, I am with you.

Rest in Me for one more night.

Peace be still, I am with you.

Replace your tired heart with Mine."

This is the chorus to the song "Tired Heart" by the Christian/Punk band Bleach. The rest of the lyrics are powerful as well, but I wanted to focus in on this part. This song has gotten me through many "sullen moments" in the past few months. The words just speak so loudly to me. There is a part in the song that says "I'll lay down all this pride so I can hear You whisper 'Its alright.'" And then it goes into the chorus. I have pondered on these words and started to examine myself and I realized that my pride has kept me from hearing God's whisper of "Its alright" and "Peace be still". I have been so confident that I can handle my problems and my life. But really, I can't. (Tonight Pastor Don McClure said something that really made me think. He said "Are you saying 'God, you have given me this body. I don't know how to work it.'" After that, the Lord spoke to me. ) Back to my pride. I have been so prideful that I have blocked out God's whisper and gave my loud mouth a mega phone. I have been so broken at times and its in those times that I should be quiet and just listen to the Lord's gentle voice, because only in HIM can I have that peace. Only in HIM can I rest. Only with HIS heart can I replace this tired one of mine. HE is the only Way, Truth and Life.

"Tired Heart" -- Bleach

I haven't felt good in months

The well has run dry, all at once.

The habit come easy but they're so hard to break

I really need to hear, to hear You say

Peace be still

I am with you.

Rest in Me for one more night

Peace be still

I am with you

Replace your tired heart with Mine.

So I'll sing songs of life

For all the broken hearts just like mine

And I'll lay down all this pride so I can hear you whisper

"Its alright"

Peace be still

I am with you

Rest in Me for one more night

Peace be still

I am with you

Replace your tired heart with Mine.

And I'm so sorry

I haven't come home

But I'm coming home soon.

"The He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea "Peace be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm."

-Mark 4:39

Starting to See You

Man! That felt good. I realized that you can't make everyone happy all of the time. You can't always make everyone feel better. Sometimes, you need to stand up for yourself.

I did that today and it felt so good. For the first time, I am not apologizing for something that I shouldn't apologize for and I'm standing up for myself. I am not going to try and be everyone's friend anymore. That doesn't mean that I am not going to be a friend to everyone... just not with everyone.. make sense? Any who.. Today has been a great day. God is showing me a lot that I need to work on and is depriving me of things I want, but don't need. So I am thankful.

Also, as some of you might have heard/read, I have a job at C28 (The Christian clothing store in the Mall) but you wouldn't know it because I haven't started work yet! haha It has been like 3 weeks... hmm... I am sure I'll start soon, but I really would like to know how long it takes to get a log-in for a computer. Oh well.

I had a nightmare about my manager last night... She was like Meryl Streep in the Devil Wears Prada, only like a million times worse. In my dream I felt like MONDO stressed and almost had a nervous break down... is that bad to have a nervous breakdown in a dream?? haha Anyway, I took a nap today and the dream I had then made up for the one I had last night. :)

I'm going to get ready for church! OH!! I have a new hair style...

You like it?? :D

Peace out!!

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Still playing...

The Game is a lot harder to stop playing that I thought. I can't get over the obsession of wanting to win. My mindset is SO competitive. I WILL win, but the question still stands... Is it worth it?

Manipulation

Ever since I was little, I have always let people take advantage of me as a person. I tend to always look for the absolute best in people and even when they clearly took advantage of me, I let them keep on doing it. I am easily manipulated into doing things I don't really want to do because I let people change how I view things. You can ask me one minute what I think about something, let me talk to someone who has a totally different view, and the next minute, I have changed my mind. I don't know why I am that way. I just feel bad whenever I say "the wrong thing" or disagree with someone.. like it makes it seem like I am putting them down or my opinion is the only right one. I am not bold enough to stand up for EVERYTHING I believe. But I don't want to be that way anymore. I am done with letting people control my opinion and manipulating me into doing things that I don't want to do.

He Gives MORE Grace.

I don't have very much homework at ALL today! I'm going to be done by 4pm. :) YAY!!! The Loft is definitely where I'm at tonight!! :D


He gives MORE grace!! :)

I don't know why I ever lived without the Lord. He has been my strength and shield in all that I have gone through in the last 4 months. It's been 4 months today since my mom's death and I do see a difference in how I feel about it. Yes, I am still sad about it. Yes, it is still VERY hard to face. But He gives more grace. The feeling I get when I think about her is just a simple "I miss you" and no longer a "Why?... How?... I want her back!" I know without a doubt that she is standing before Jesus praising Him face to face and I can't wait until the day that we do that together. The day when every tear will be wiped away and every sorrow and bad thing will be extinguished. Jesus is my only hope and He is my only comfort.

"Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling... Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."
--Psalm 2:11,12

GAME OVER

I have been posting bulletins these last few days talking about a game I am playing. They aren't there to attract attention, or make people think. This IS MY blog and I posted them to get it off of my chest. But I am stopping the game. If I don't stop now, it will just keep going on and on until I win... but here's the thing, it's like one of those carnival games. It's fixed. It is IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to win. I am not going to spend anymore quarters trying to win the ultimate prize because it is a waste. I have a treasure and it is Jesus. My true ultimate prize is in heaven and it's already been won for me, through Jesus.

GAME OVER

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Jesus wasn't joking when He said "Ask and you shall receive."

Great Is Your Faithfulness

I am in awe that the Lord answered so many prayers so quickly. He is so gracious... I want to be before His feet praising Him right now. Face to face...

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and her tongue is the law of kindness."

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but the woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

(Proverbs 31:26, 30)

Homesick

"Homesick" By: MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

This song really makes me think about my mom. I miss her so much and everyday gets a little easier and a little harder to deal with... I know that is a total contradiction, but it makes sense, trust me. I really miss her. "If homes where my heart is then I'm out of place..." I am so out of place in this world. All Christians are. I DO need the Lord's strength to make it through this... He is my Rock.

"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal."

--Isaiah 26:4

Trusting in the Lord's promises!! :)

Memory Verses of The Day

"If you seek her as silver and search for her as hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the Lord. You will find the knowledge of God."
--Proverbs 2:4

Memory Verse Today. :)

The Lord answered my prayer with this one!! :D

Before The Throne

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong, a perfect plea:

A great High Priest, whose name is Love,

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,

My name is written on his heart;

I know that while in heaven he stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look, and see him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God, the Just, is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,

Risen Son of God!

Behold him there, the risen Lamb

My perfect, spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I AM,

The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by his blood

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ, my Savior and my God

With Christ, my Savior and my God

"One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple."

-- Psalm 27:4